a christmas to remember

so being it my youngest's first christmas, the first time i'd been to arizona, my brother's first christmas home from afghanistan... for all these reasons christmas should be remembered and cherished. and somewhere in the back of my mind, sticking to this day like little post-it notes they will exist in some meager way- but holy cow for entirely different reasons will this be this christmas to remember for years to come....

after a 14 hour drive we arrived in arizona, myself working on 2 1/2 hours of sleep. we get there, hugs exchanged, bags unloaded, furniture (yes, i said furniture) our trip was accompanied by a 5x8 trailer stuffed to the brim with goodies such as gifts, a tree, dinging room table, decor for the house. this was to be the first holiday my brother and sister-in-law were to host. exciting isn't it?? okay back to the story- we got showers, air mattresses blown up, and settled in. ready to assemble the tree, dec out the house and enjoy the evening together, only to find our christmas tree in all its pre-lit glory is missing a vital organ- the base : we had absolutely nothing to hold this tree up. so we kiss the idea of ending the evening with a finished tree and stockings hung. the next day a search party sets out looking in stores for a tree stand visiting countless retailers only to come up empty handed in their quest. in my mother's infinite brainstorming she comes across a solution to help us in our tree dilemma. so we gather rocks from outside, putting them in a pot and sticking the tree in- after a bit of fanagling this proves to be the way to go, it worked awesome. then my little nephew becomes ill, throwing up and having an awful time :( however a highlight came through that day, we got snow. i'm partial to a green landscape, but i have to admit, snow in the desert is pretty friggin amazing to see- absolutely beautiful. that night after decorating and having a few drinks we turned in. christmas eve we vowed not to leave the house, last minute shopping had rendered us useless. the stresses of all the food, wrapping gifts, finishing desserts, setting out presents for good girls and boys- our holiday readiness kept us going until almost 2 am!- yeah we were beat. and of course the little ones are up with the chicken, dying to know what awaits them under the tree. so we pull ourselves up out of bed and share christmas and about 4 pots of coffee to start the day. around 10 o'clock, we have stuck the turkey in the oven, the house is filling with amazing smells, everyone squeezing in a shower and a smoke when they can along with filling something with batteries or turning things on little hands aren't quite capable of doing. and almost like out of a storybook- BOOM! the clock strikes noon.

and
every
powersource
is
out.

the electricity for the entire post has been knocked out. no hot water, no tv for the big games on or so we may watch the christmas parades, no heat (remember we had snow) but most importantly- no power in the kitchen.

we hear that a huge bird had run itself into a transformer (i think thats crap, but whatever) and the ENTIRE, now let me stress this- the ENTIRE post was powerless. not, fun. so we assume patience is the way and we will stick it out until it comes back on, no big, we'll just eat a little later. so we occupy ourselves with the last battery power on the laptops, make sandwiches and other provisions that require no power. the warm turkey smell permiating from the oven is starting to fade. the sun is starting to set a bit and we realize we need a backup food plan.

yeah, umm... okay- no backups-
we needed something that could be grilled- hmmm......

how we came up with baked potatoes and hot dogs i still don't know but thats what we had. thats what our christmas dinner consisted of. my poor sis-in-law, she curled up the couch and left reality for a while whilst we tried and made the best of everything. my brother on the other hand was loving it. after whining about missing the game he almost became excited about the situation. it forced us to come together and left the distractions electricity can provide. everyone in their own little digital world.

we got word that the power would be back on no later than 10pm. um, thanks- we think.

it was getting really cold in the house and with no way to warm ourselves my brother and his infinite ingenuity pulls his grill and our huge bag of christmas wrappings out and begins making a fire for us to warm ourselves with on the back porch. and seriously- it really did bring us together. the family as well as some friends gathered around and we laughed and talked around the fire, away from everything- except eachother. and thats what matters right?

okay enough with the sentimentalism....

and like clockwork out of a tv show or lifetime christmas movie- the power popped back on, 10pm sharp.

my sis-in-law was so dissapointed in the day i turned to her and said screw it, "we are doing in now, fire up everything."

so diligently her and i put our nose to the grindstone creating a christmas midnight meal for us all. and at around 11:30 we were finally finished. and was sat around eating our late, but delicious christmas dinner- with 30 minutes of christmas to spare.

the day after christmas we made the spiral ham that got ignored in the day before's fiasco and the christmas dinner leftover were the perfect accompanyment. we planned on leaving the next morning so we took it easy, heading to the mall, grabbing a frosty from wendys and just enjoying our last full day. and the electricity.

that evening we were all resting in the livingroom when my other nephew in almost a dead sleep pops up and starts hurling onto the couch and floor, down the hall way and into the bathroom where the poor thing is found hugging the porcelain god. we decide on that note after we get him settled in its really time to call it a night. we were setting ourselves to wake at around 4 and head out- BUT apparently three more invites to the puke party were passed out. my two girls, and my sister all woke to the same fate as my nephew the night before. but we had to leave, we were working on deadline. people going back to work, planes to catch, papers to sign- lots of good stuff that could be put off, great.

so we pile in the vehicle, smushed by numerous packages, bags, and suitcases. my sister and my eldest in the very back, puking into grocery sacks armed with a roll of paper towels. my infant had ceased thank goodness. so halfway through our return home, the random hacking in the back was our soundtrack. nice.

we finally arrived after numerous stops and seat switching, cig breaks.

and in the days since we have arrived home 3 more people have fell victim to this puking epidemic, myself included. it is sick now i'm writing this wonderful story, lol. the only upside it is seems to some and go with a day so hopefully by tonight i shall be back to good again.

so that is what christmas was for me and mine this year, pretty eventful, interesting and downright crazy, sounds like words most would use to describe holiday with relatives doesn't it?

but i have to say i think this ones for the books, one that takes the cake (a from scratch, delicious, red velvet cake)

like i said one to remember.

ring, ring, ring....

its amazing how a ring can change so many things. it can change events, a mood, life all together. no, i'm not talking about the bright and shiny round one (though it does to an extent). a phone ring, a call from someone, somewhere- and in an instant your entire being can be altered...

crazy right?

yeah... i thought so too- when i actually took the time to think about it today...

i mean really, think of the things that one can here on the phone:

"it's a girl"
"i'm not coming back"
"we're gonna have a baby"
"i got the job"
"i love you"
"it's over"
"he's not gonna make it"
"i'm in jail"

you get the idea.

some days you dread the chiming of that phone wanting to submerge it in the soapy water of the kitchen sink or throw it under a moving train. other days you find it attached to your hand, ready to answer with every ounce of anxiousness humanly possible. catching yourself picking it up even when there was no sound made because you were "just checking".

oi vey- the phone...

it can be where some start their lives with another- or end it. to be truthful, it seeems the more phones we have in the world, the more i see the latter.

the phone can be a window into a person's world. who they talk to, what they say, like, dislike and so on... it can be a place where they have things they want just for themselves, only their eyes. a place where they keep memories, whether through pictures stored or simply a recollection of the long conversations, laughs and cries they have had.

ugh- that damn phone.......

ugh, its been a while

so its been a few since i came 'round.... life it seems has felt like dragging me behind it. almost like if you were sitting on a trashcan lid, tied by a rope to the back of a race car, going down lombard street in san francisco. yeah, that sounds about right...
the holidays are fast approaching, not sure how to feel about them just yet. it will be the first time in YEARS i haven't hosted a holiday for my family. my BABY brothers are doing both. i'm a control freak and the cook of the family. to be powerless on what will be consumed on thanksgiving and christmas is leaving me feeling not-so-great. but i'm trying to be a good sport and just let it roll. i'll just hover near the counter til the baby brother cry for big sissy's help with something or they become so frustrated, that they hand over the kitchen to me. but this is their first year and they are excited so i have to give them a sporting chance. even though we can all agree, as the old saying goes- if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. i live by this, probably enough in a night of drunken stupor i'd get it inked on my bu-hind, haha. but seriously, i really hope they don't dry out the turkey- maybe i should bring a spare???

all the way down

when i'm in a car i am the kind of person who loves the radio blaring and the windows down, all down if possible. on my way to the store last night weather conditions permitted a perfect wind in your hair experience. a nice 68 degrees, dry, lightly breezy, and the local radio station just seeemed to know what i was wanting to hear. like i said.... perfect.

i know its crazy, it was maybe a five minute ride, including the red light i had to pause at, but it was awesome, the air at your face forcing you to take deep breaths and in between belting out random lines and lyrics from your favorite tune at the top of your lungs, not giving a shit if the weird bald man picking his nose behind his "invisi-glass" is staring at you like you're the strange one.

it was a five minute bliss about not caring what the world or who was in it thought about me or what i was doing- and it felt amazing

it's the little things... definitely the little things :)

"cement shoes, size eight, make em heavy"

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

okay now where to begin?? hmm....

ever feel like you were being held back? okay now, have you ever felt that way and realized it was you doing it to yourself?

i had my freakin "duh" moment last night in the midst of a migraine and puking from all the piled on bullcrap stress. i put up with accusations, insults, assumptions, and more. and for what exactly? for financial security? for the kids?

though logical reasons for some, I CAN'T FREAKIN TAKE IT ANYMORE!

grow up! grow a pair! the neediness has to stop! enough with the paranoia, enough with the insecurities! you are driving me crazy! to the point i think its seriously bad for my health. the crap makes me physically ill. i stress out, i get migraines left and right. i can't handle this crap.

i'm driving myself mad by staying in it, and if i could kick my own ass for it i would (though the mental picture i have in my head after saying that does make me chuckle a bit). i job hunt and talk to my friends and family trying to grasp and the threads of my sanity, or whats left of it... maybe some lint??? who knows....

anyway in the midst of what i appear to be doing i feel like i am standing still, like i'm not doing enough to get myself moving. i feel like i'm in cement shoes and i made them my damn self. like i locked myself in a cage and then chunked the key as far as possible. who the hell does that? yeah me- thats who, the bonafied self made martyr for dumbasses. not exactly the miss america title but i guess someone has to fill the position. i just don't want it to be me filling it anymore. i want to pass this torch along to someone else and run far far away from it. never seeing this place in life again. but there's one teeny tiny problem, i can't get my sneakers on....



anybody have a chisel?

My lil punkin has a tooth!!!!

okay so my youngest daughter turns 9 months old today :( too grown, too fast..... anyhoo i was munchin on a turkey sandwich and had my little one in my lap. she kept grabbing for my sandwich and so i was ripping of random bits of potato bread to feed to her, i stuck a bit in her mouth, didn't get it in there quite as well as i had hoped so i stuck my finger in her mouth to get the bread inside and it slid against A TOOTH! its her first one! she cut her first tooth on her nine month baby day, WOO-HOO!!!!!


lol.... okay just had to share :)

so i went, and had a really good time :)

while i went through DAYS of fighting to go out with my girls- i did it anyway, and i'm SO GLAD I DID!!! i really had a great time, ironically moreso in the process of getting ready than at the actual halloween party.... weird right???
it just felt good to be with the girls again, all of us changing in our clothes for the night, the blend of scents from the nail polish, hairspray, and perfumes from each of us... the sounds of endless excited chatter, hair dryer going and giggles.... it really was great, such small stupid things you realize you miss the most... don't get me wrong the party was fun, saw old friends and met new ones....

every point i had to make and every snide comment i had to hear in regards to going out was worth it, i needed it, more than i realized- and loved every minute of it :)