"cement shoes, size eight, make em heavy"

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

okay now where to begin?? hmm....

ever feel like you were being held back? okay now, have you ever felt that way and realized it was you doing it to yourself?

i had my freakin "duh" moment last night in the midst of a migraine and puking from all the piled on bullcrap stress. i put up with accusations, insults, assumptions, and more. and for what exactly? for financial security? for the kids?

though logical reasons for some, I CAN'T FREAKIN TAKE IT ANYMORE!

grow up! grow a pair! the neediness has to stop! enough with the paranoia, enough with the insecurities! you are driving me crazy! to the point i think its seriously bad for my health. the crap makes me physically ill. i stress out, i get migraines left and right. i can't handle this crap.

i'm driving myself mad by staying in it, and if i could kick my own ass for it i would (though the mental picture i have in my head after saying that does make me chuckle a bit). i job hunt and talk to my friends and family trying to grasp and the threads of my sanity, or whats left of it... maybe some lint??? who knows....

anyway in the midst of what i appear to be doing i feel like i am standing still, like i'm not doing enough to get myself moving. i feel like i'm in cement shoes and i made them my damn self. like i locked myself in a cage and then chunked the key as far as possible. who the hell does that? yeah me- thats who, the bonafied self made martyr for dumbasses. not exactly the miss america title but i guess someone has to fill the position. i just don't want it to be me filling it anymore. i want to pass this torch along to someone else and run far far away from it. never seeing this place in life again. but there's one teeny tiny problem, i can't get my sneakers on....



anybody have a chisel?